The Greek Philosopher Plato said, “Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.” Perhaps the most important job a parent will ever have will be instilling their children with the same set of values that they have. However, what if the parents have two different value sets? Then, some compromises must be made. Discordant parenting can not only create conflict within the home but can also create confused values in their children.
Recognizing Discordant Parenting
What exactly is discordant parenting? Essentially, it is when parents aren’t on the same page regarding how they raise their child. Now, some discord is okay. In fact, a bit of disagreement can show children that their parents are willing to defend their principles.
Of course, these disagreements are only okay if they are done so in a civilized manner, and they end in compromise and mutual respect. A child needs to see their parents resolve their differences respectfully and peacefully.
However, when parents continuously argue and do not come to any sort of agreement on issues, this has a negative effect on children in the home. Children want to be like their parents, and when they see them acting poorly with one another, they will pick up on these behaviors and emulate them.
Different Value Systems and Better Understanding Discordant Parenting
It is also okay to have different values. Just because two people are together does not mean that they have to prioritize the same values. However, as the heads of the household, they must come to some agreement on the values that they wish to instill in their children. If not, their children may have trouble understanding what values they should carry with them out into the world.
It is important to come at parenting with a unified front. Doing so will not only show the value of compromise but will also strengthen the values that they wish to instill because they are being promoted by two parents rather than one. However, to do this, parents must come together and work out their differences.
Communication and Compromise: Resolving Discordant Parenting
Perhaps the most valuable tool two partners can possess is the ability to communicate with one another. This communication is critical for compromise as well. Especially compromising on which values they want to instill in their children.
Now, when it comes to compromising, it is important for parents to relate to one another what values are most important to them. Many couples often assume that they know what their partner values because, for the most part, they are so compatible in so many areas already. Yet, they may be surprised by the differences they find if they simply stop and ask one another about their value sets.
Now, when each parent knows what the other’s values are, they can then begin to prioritize them together. For example, say one parent values authority over compassion, it is possible to find a reasonable middle where they can instill the importance of defending one’s ideals while also being empathetic to other people’s opinions.
Tips for Coming Together as Leader in the Home
Parents showing their children that they can work together can be crucial for how they navigate the world after they leave the house. Good leadership can also work well when a child begins to act out and/or starts disrespecting the rules of the house.
When two parents are equal leaders with the same message, it becomes much easier for the child to understand that there are expectations to be met in the home, and both parents agree upon them. Now, when parents are on different pages, it can confuse a child on what the expectations of them are.
Also, it can leave an opening for a child to try to try to sway or manipulate one parent over the other. This cannot happen if both parents have each other’s backs. Lastly, when parents are clear on what their expectations in the home are, there is a much greater chance that the child will revere the rules. The key is that two authority figures are stronger than one.
Helping Parents, Children, and Family Recover at Clearview Girls Academy
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung said, “Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.” This means that showing their values rather than telling their values is a much more effective method of parenting.
Here at Clearview Girls Academy, we believe in showing the values rather than preaching them as well. We believe in action over words. Also, we practice what we preach, which are the values of honesty, integrity, and leadership.
We know that setting this example is important for our students. But we also know that setting this example can help parents and the entire family find the healing that they deserve.
The lack of a unified front can disconnect the entire family. That is why it is so important for parents to work together rather than try to parent apart. Parents with different methodologies must learn how to guide their children through conversation and compromise with each other. This will help families find common ground and resolve. It will also help with course correction. Ultimately, the conversation must happen on how to parent first to get on the same page about unification and communication. Even when parents are separated, they must remember that they didn’t divorce their child; they divorced their spouse. For more information on resolving discordant parenting, please reach out to Clearview Girls Academy today at (888) 796-5484.