In the Book of John 13:34-35, Jesus tells us, “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, so you also must love each other. This is how everyone will know that you are my disciples when you love each other.” Ultimately, this is the golden rule of “do unto others as those would do unto you,” and it is not merely a Christian concept but rather a human one. However, what happens when this tenet is broken by someone in our own family, perhaps our own daughter? Our daughters’ addictions can put a strain on the whole family. In addition to finding your daughter treatment, it can be vital to understand where parents affected by addiction can get the help they need to heal.
Addiction Is a “Family Disease”
The first – and potentially most important – thing to remember about your daughter’s addiction is that it is not personal. It is not even something that is in her control. As they say in 12-Step recovery, “Addiction is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease.” No one begins their journey intending to become addicted, rather it is the nature of the disease. It is chronic and progressive.
12-Step recovery also reminds us that addiction is a “family disease.” What this term means is that addiction does not just affect the individual struggling. In addition, addiction as a family disease has nothing to do with a specific substance. Rather, the disease emanates from the individual in the form of toxic behaviors that take an undeniable toll on their loved ones over time.
This toll comes from the abuse and deceptive actions that are often used in an attempt to engage in recurrent addictive behaviors. Now, while it may not feel like it at the time, remember that these actions aren’t personal. They are used solely to protect the one thing that has come to matter most in their lives; their addiction. Unfortunately, they will do whatever it takes to fuel it. This often includes hurting those closest to them, and often the ones hurt the most are the parents.
Affected by Addiction: Parents Often Take the Brunt
It is no stretch to see why parents often feel the brunt of their daughter’s addiction. As parents, our primary goal is to ensure that their well-being is protected above all else. When something like addiction creeps in, we are left wondering what we may have done wrong.
However, it is important to remember that putting the blame on ourselves will do nothing to help our children get better. In fact, the only thing it will do is make us as parents “sicker,” and the truth is that we are already sick. This doesn’t mean that we are physically sick (though make no mistake, addiction can inform various negative physical effects). Rather, what it means is that our daughter’s addiction can make us emotionally and psychologically unwell.
Seeing a loved one go through the struggles of addiction, especially a child, can be traumatizing. Also, if that trauma is allowed to manifest, it is going to get significantly worse. The only way to address trauma is through intervention. This is why parents of children with addiction often also require professional support at the same time.
Where Can Parents Affected by Addiction Get the Help They Need
Because the damage done by our daughter’s addiction is often emotional, it is these emotions that must be addressed. One of the best ways to address these emotions is still through the relatively “traditional” methods of therapy and psychotherapy.
Some examples of therapies that may benefit you as a parent affected by addiction include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). These options can help us address the underlying issues that we may be struggling with. However, when it comes to healing the whole family unit from the effects of a loved one’s substance abuse, family therapy may be one of the best options.
Parents Affected by Addiction Need a “Family Solution”
If addiction is a family disease, then it only makes sense that it requires a family solution. This family solution is best advanced when the entire family can communicate honestly and openly. A professional safe space can be ideal for this.
However, while this space should include the entire family, it may not be ideal to include the individual struggling right away. Being able to work through trauma before engaging with our daughter can be helpful for healthy communication down the road. This is also why we offer parent workshops at Clearview Horizon Girls Academy.
At Clearview Horizon Girls Academy, we do not simply offer “fix-your-kid” recovery. Our goal is to help the entire family heal. While we like to say that we light the path of your daughter’s recovery, we also pass the torch onto the entire family. This enables family members to light the path for each other as you continue, as they also say in 12-Step recovery, “down the road of happy destiny.”
Addiction is a “family disease.” That means that everyone needs support to establish healing and recovery. This is especially true with parents who often take on a lot of excess stress. You may struggle with codependency and enablement as a parent. Fortunately, there are many effective parental and familial recovery options available solely for you. This includes 12-Step programs, family therapy, family workshops, and community outreach groups. If you think you or someone you know may be struggling to cope with their daughter’s addiction, you are not alone. We can help. For more information on treatment and recovery options for the entire family, please reach out to Clearview Horizon today at 866-584-4788.
